Valparaiso theater and television art majors will soon get a chance to act in a new form of improvisational theater, incorporating physical dexterity, spontaneity and teamwork, according to a decree from the offices of the president. Starting immediately, the department of theater and television arts will abandon the traditional method of rehearsing a previously scripted play and then performing it a half a dozen times.

According to a press release from the office of the president, “Theater hasn’t really changed all that much since the days of the Greeks, and most advances have been technological. But in the interest in presenting a new Valparaiso theater department for the 21st Century, we thought we’d introduce a new set of improv performances.”

The improvisational exercises will reportedly involve groups of actors working together against other teams bouncing and passing a ball, in an attempt to score points. Head of the theater department James Stewart Peter explained to The Scorch, “There will be a certain set of rules to the exercises, but within those rules for improvisation we will be able to see an almost infinite variety of drama, excitement and human pathos.”

JSP believes that while the VU theater department will benefit from the added income ticket sales will bring, the switch will benefit the students the most. “As any of our students can tell you, theater is far too often overly competitive. Actors find themselves competing against each other for parts and trying to upstage their fellow actors in whatever they do. But we feel this new form of improvisational theater will help them to work together more as a team and build a more cohesive department here at VU.”

JSP does confess that he had some reservations. “I must say I resisted the changes at first. The thought of completely abandoning traditional theater and replacing it with something that seems suspiciously close to basketball was initially unsettling. But then some men paid me a visit a couple nights ago at my home, and set me straight.” JSP smiled and straightened his tie with the three unbroken fingers on his right hand. “Besides, they also reminded me that (basketball coach) Homer Drew gets paid more than President Harre anyway. I thought I might begin to see a part of that action. I mean, I’m not exactly well paid as a theater professor in Indiana.”

The new Valparaiso Univesity theater department will begin its first performances as soon as the VUCA mainstage can be converted into a proper playing court.

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