{ Home } : { Links } : { Poetry } : { Joey } : { Editorials } : { Movie Reviews }

    BACK TO EDITORIALS

Alcohol lobby denies that drinking alcohol leads to “getting really fucked up.”
Taking liberal gulps from a glass filled with an amber colored liquid, the visibily intoxicated Boises, who previously lead the government prosecution against Microsoft, successfully defended Napster and lead the Gore legal team during the Florida voting fiasco, claimed that these “witchhunts must come to an end. First it was cigarettes, then you guys were claiming guns were dangerous and now you want to take away our booze.” Dismissing statistics that showed there was a connection between drinking and getting drunk, Boises claimed “correlation is not causation,” and that similar statistics have been used to claim that marijuana smokers laugh more often at really stupid stuff.

Boises then began to mutter incoherently for a half an hour, occasionally calling the senators “fucking fascists” and flicking them off repeatedly. After a final loud hiccup he stumbled back to his desk and spent the next five minutes trying to collect enough for the keg deposit from his legal team.

Legal experts expect that the committee will rule in favor of the alcohol companies, but add that Boises tendency to repeatedly call the panel “assholes” might sway the committee negatively.

    Previous    Next
    BACK TO EDITORIALS


{ Home } : { Links } : { Poetry } : { Joey } : { Editorials } : { Movie Reviews }

Please send notice of all criticisms, complaints, broken links, adulations, compliments, death threats, and suggestions to loki814@hotmail.com or to ICQ# 2649564