I generally hate those internet surveys that get passed around like herpes every once in awhile. Not that I hate getting them, but I hate how they so miserably fail to do what they're supposed to: stimulate conversation and help you get to know people a bit better than you did before. A lot of the questions are so unrelentingly banal "Do you prefer Nike or Reebok?" "Coke or Pepsi?" that I'm afraid I usually lash out at the people I get them from and alienate them further. I have the tendency to get mindblowingly angry about things that don't really matter (for instance, the fact that George Lucas changed it so Greedo fired first in his new version of "Star Wars: A New Hope" still sticks in my craw a half decade later).
Still, I want people to know a bit about me, especially those who meet me over the Internet and have never actually sat down with me and watched me get furious over minutiae. So, here's my compilation of survey questions posted online. THIS SHOULD BE CONSIDERED A WORK IN PROGRESS, AND IN NO WAY COMPREHENSIVE.
Also, if there is anything else you're curious about, drop me a line with your question and I'll see if I can get it up and on for you.
Meaningless Personal Information
Full name: Christopher Samuel Stuart
Nicknames: "Stu." No one outside the digital world calls me by anything other than "Stu" or "Chris." Except for my parents, who call me "Christopher" when they're irritated with me. Those inside the digital world of computer games only know me as "Flagg," a I didn't plan too well on when choosing; it converts to "Fag" far too easily when people get irritated with me
Siblings: One younger brother: Scott Alan Stuart.
Birthdate: 20 May, 1979.
Hair color: Dirty blond, getting darker as I get older
Eye color: I'm not quite sure. My eyes change color, anywhere from blue to green. Though they seem to spend most of their time as a weird gray. I like it that way, otherwise I seem too Aryan.
Height: about 6 feet...completely totally average.
Greatest fears: I have a couple fairly pedestrian fears, such as my continued and abiding fear of the dark, fears of large dogs, flying, and a healthy respect for heights. However, my biggest rational fear is of going blind. Since most of my most treasured hobbies (reading, watching movies, writing, playing computer games, seeing beautiful women) rely primarily or entirely on being able to see, the fact that my eyesight has been slowly but steadily failing is a bit worrying. And despite the sheer number of fantastic writers who have dealt with blindness (Homer, John Milton, James Thurber, etc.) I'm struggling enough just to be a tolerable writer, so I don't need the extra stress.
Place I'd most like to live: In terms of people, (both people I know and just general friendliess of people), I'd say its a toss-up between Chicago and Edinburgh. But for sheer "wow" factor and general cultural and architectural impressiveness, Paris has a hell of a lot going for it (not that Chicago and Edinburgh are slouches in this regard either), and would have a shot at the title if only I could speak the language, or Parisians spoke my language.
Introvert or Extrovert: I think I'm basically an introvert with extrovert tendencies. I do genuinely like people, and I think under the right circumstances I can be very good with them (charming, funny, etc), but being around people for too long wears me out, and I need to spend some time recharging to be fit to deal with people again without wanting to tear out their throats with my teeth.
If you could have one item from Star Wars, what would it be?: Well, as nice as it would be to have a speeder bike or an X-Wing, or just Jedi powers in general, I'd really have to go the conventional route and choose a lightsaber. Even though I'd probably just cut my leg off, or worse. As for those Jedi powers, I'd definitely have to go with the Force Persuasion ("No officer, you don't want to give me a ticket.").
Biggest personal flaws: The biggest and most damning criticism I've received is being called selfish. More minor critiques are that I'm stubborn, pretentious, and conceited. Also, I hate to lose. And I mean hate to lose, even minor insignificant games.
Nervous/Odd Habits: Well, I wet the tips of my fingers compulsively. It's not like I suck on them or anything, but just brush them across my lips to wet them like you do to turn a page or separate paper. I also, when I think about it, compusively avoid stepping on cracks. And when I get really nervous I begin to babble. My speech becomes quicker, more disordered, and if not stopped I just continue until well after I've made a complete fool of myself.
Heroes/People You Greatly Admire:
- Harlan Ellison (author)
- Hunter S. Thompson (author, Dr. of Journalism)
- Henry Adams (author/philosopher/cynic)
- Mark Twain (author/cynic)
- H.L. Mencken (author/critic)
- Oscar Wilde (author/wit)
- David Foster Wallace (author)
- George Carlin (comedian)
- Bill Hicks (comedian)
- Shakespeare (playwright)
- Thomas Jefferson (writer, politician)
- Leonardo Di Vinci (Renaissance Man)
- Stanley Kubrick (director/auteur)
- Woody Allen (director/writer/pedophile)
- Terry Gilliam (Monty Python/writer/director)
- David Lynch (director/auteur)
- Men who flush and then try to race the urinal
- People who overuse the words "literally" and "basically"
- Slow people on the streets
- People who stop unexpectedly on the streets and then get mad at you for running into them
- People who wink at you excessively while talking to you
- People who eat while on the phone with you
- Noisy eaters/drinkers
- Snorers (hypocritical, I know)
- Stupid people (not uneducated, but those who seem almost willfully obtuse)
- Sitting on a toilet seat still warm from the previous ass there
- People who inconvenience you by trying to be polite (holding the door for you and getting in your way, for instance)
- People who repeat the punchlines to their jokes in a vain attempt to get you to laugh when you didn't the first time
- People who try to explain the punchlines when you don't laugh.
- People who mouth the words while they read
- Socks that bunch up under your soles
- Mobile phones that ring in movie theaters
- "Quaintly" misspelled names (Kozy Korner, Krazy Kat, etc)
- People who write messages IN ALL CAPS.
- Simulated crowd noise or applause in songs that are patently not live.
- The scrape of someone dragging their feet on the ground.
- Being interrupted
- That smell right before a summer rain
- How people act in public when they think no one's watching them (not precisely voyeurism, but close, I guess)
- Watching milk swirl into coffee, especially in a glass mug.
- Cleaning the lint out from between my toes immediately after taking off my socks.
- Britney Spears (including the fact that I can't help but find her attractive)
- Boy bands
- Michael Bay, Jerry Bruckheimer, Simon West, Dean Devlin, and Roland Emmerich
- Young goths who think that they can reject the status quo by wearing Blink-182 or Sum-41 shirts and dying their hair black.
- Evangelical Christians
- Book burners and banners
- People who condemn movies or books while admitting that they've never read them, but just "heard about the filth in them."
- George W. Bush, Ronald Reagan, Richard Nixon, Rudy Guliani, and all those more evil than necessary politicians.
- over the top political correctness (though not P.C. per se) that tries to hide the truth of things because they think it hurt people's feelings (janitors as "sanitation engineers, for instance)
- Tom Jones (that braying idiot)
Favorite Words: defenestrate, howling fantods, schadenfreude, you can find more here
Words you overuse: I use "fuck" way too often.
Sexiest place on a woman's body: Other than the two or three places I'm genetically predisposed to love for that whole continuation of the human species and all, it's a tossup beween the stomach (a fairly conventional choice, I know, but still a damn sexy one, nonetheless), and the lower back, right down to the point where the butt starts. I don't really know why, either. I think it's just part of the whole unintentional nature of it. I mean, a woman knows that her breasts or ass are going to draw attention, and usually knows realizes that stomachs are sexy, but no one really knows that their backs can do anything at all.
Insignificant thing you're really proud of: There are two tiny things that I'm abnormally proud of that no one pays attention to. 1) My ability to move very quickly through a crowd, and 2) My ability to jump out of bed and land as quiet and calmly as a cat. Well, that's kind of an extension of how quietly I try to walk.
Favorite movies/books/cds: This is not a simple question, and my answers will necessarily have to be explained in some etail--someone as deeply immersed in film and literature as I am can't just rattle off a short list and send you on your way, for I firmly believe that the type of movies we watch and the books we read are as important as either determining or revealing what type of people we are as where we grew up or the people we grew up with. Movies and books and CDs go off like grenades in our brains and we spend the rest of our lives dealing with the celluloid and ink shrapnel left behind.
- "Lolita" by Vladimir Nabokov
- "A Supposedly Fun Thing I'll Never Do Again" by David Foster Wallace
- "Infinite Jest" by David Foster Wallace
- "Catch-22" by Joseph Heller
- "Catcher in the Rye" by J.D. Salinger
- "Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas" by Hunter S. Thompson
- "One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest" by Ken Kesey
- "House of Leaves" by Mark Danielwski (sp?)
- "On the Road" by Jack Keruoac
- "High Fidelity" by Nick Hornby
- "Fight Club" by Chuck Palahniuk
Favorite Actor: Well, I've recently moved away from the whole cult of the actor thing. There are a lot of actors I like, but I've really stopped thinking of most of them as artists. They're entertainers and, as such, I rarely go to a movie just because an actor is in it. However, I now go to movies all the time because of a particular director. So, I now rechristen this category:
Favorite Directors: Starting at the top: Stanley Kubrick, the Coen Brothers, Terry Gilliam, Quentin Tarantino, Woody Allen, Spike Jonze, David Lynch, and David Fincher. I'll see anything they do, no matter how bad the reviews are ahead of time. Beyond that, Spielberg, George Lucas, Scorsese and beyond will get me into theaters to see the film, but I won't count on necessarily liking the movie.
*Favorite color: Well, when it comes to clothing colors, I really like blue and gray...when it comes to colors in general, I like white and black...I like solid colors in general. I don't know what that says about me. Call up Jung and Freud and see what they have to say about it. [Later note: I called up both Jung and Freud and they had no comment for me]
Please send notice of all criticisms, complaints, broken links, adulations, compliments, death threats, and suggestions to firstname.lastname@example.org or ICQ# 2649564.