Infrequently Asked Questions

Who are you?:

I am Stu, hear me purr. For more information, you might just want to check on the about me section of my website.

So you’re not going to answer personal questions here?:

The about me section should cover most of your general questions. This section is supposed to be about the website in general.

Okay, so why are you filing up valuable space on the web with drivel about yourself?:

You mean why did I start a website? Well, because I haven’t yet been published, but still wanted to have at least the illusion that people are reading what I write. The quote that comes to mind is Paul Fussell’s: "If I didn't have writing, I'd be running down the street hurling grenades in people's faces." Though for me, I dislike the dangerous unpredictable nature of grenades, so I’d probably be using a sawed-off shotgun

I’ve always wanted to know, why do you saw off the barrel of a shotgun?:

For two reasons. First, it’s easier to hide and transport a sawed-off shotgun than a full length one. And second, it increases the spread of the shot when you saw it off, while cutting down on the effective range, to make it more effective for close combat. Both of these reasons are why it’s illegal to saw off the barrel of a shotgun, ostensibly just a tool for hunting.

Why are we talking about shotguns, anyway? How’d you let us get so off topic? Isn’t this supposed to be about the website?:

Hey, you asked!

But aren’t you me? Anyway, it’s not like there are actually any questions asked you about your website that we just have to answer, frequently or otherwise. You’re kind of in the backwaters of the Internet. "Deliverance" style backwaters, at that:

Okay, asshole, that hurt. And to answer your question, no, I’m not you. We’re both fictional eidolons for Stu.

Huh? What’s an eidolon?:

The word actually just means spirit, but it’s a fancy-schmancy term for an imaginary personality someone writes as; more than just a pseudonym to hide their identity, but less than clinical schizophrenia.

Well, aren’t you Mr. Smarty-Pants?:

Yes. So what’s your problem, anyway?

Hey, I’m asking the questions here!:

Are you now?

Yes, I am! I’m in charge of this FAQ:

Really? Is that what it feels like to you?

Listen, this is supposed to go with me asking the...:

Are you just cranky ‘cause you discovered you’re nothing more than a fictional personality, without even the benefit of it being pathological? Bothered because you're Slim Shady to Stu's Eminem?

That has nothing to do with it!:

Doesn’t it also seem like I’m asking all the questions now?

Wait, you’re just making statements that are slightly tweaked to make them seem like questions!:

You’d like to think so, wouldn’t you? Does it really make a difference, Mr. Eidolon?

I am not an eidolon! I am a human being!:

Okay, this is just getting stupid. I knew trying to write an FAQ was a bad idea. Just check out the website; no explanation necessary.